No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
