I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
