I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
