I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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