I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
