The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize