i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
