Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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