You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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