Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
