can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
