In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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