The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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