I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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