So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My vagina is officially offended.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize