Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
