just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
