i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
