these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
