The maid of honor just puked.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
