he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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