I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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