I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
