i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
