we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
