here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
