he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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