What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
