Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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