If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize