Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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