idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
