so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
