i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
