3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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