Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize