He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
