They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
