your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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