I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
