my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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