i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize