I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
