names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
