omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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