well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
