turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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