i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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