I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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