Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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