I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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