Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize