That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
