who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
