Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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