he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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