dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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