woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
