I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
