Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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