i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
