She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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