I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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