oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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