You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
