When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
