Are we in a gay sports bar?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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