I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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