Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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