At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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