i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
