I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
