remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
