Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
