New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
