if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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