she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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