Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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