i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
