K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
