she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
