this beer tastes like vomit already
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
