Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
