is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
