please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize