it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
