You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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