so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
