We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize