Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
