why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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