Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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