My liver just broke up with me...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
