I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
