So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize