So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
