you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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