She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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