Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize