the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
