:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
