I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
