so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize