I just made out with a guy for $7.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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