he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
