some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
