Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
