I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
