STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
